you know...i try

I try to stay motivated...I try really hard not to "cheat". And I know that I am super-strict and hard on myself sometimes. But, I really NEED to be that way. I need to give myself more "tough love" and less "awww...it's ok, you can have another rice krispie treat" :( I gained four fucking lbs since last week. Wanna know why? Because I stopped exercising (made stupid excuses) and started eating a rash of shit that's not good for me. Dammit!! Now, I know it's mostly just me retaining water (I can see the edema, so I'm sure that's what it is). But still...wtf?? I KNOW I have to do this stuff. I KNOW I need to exercise at least 5 days a week. I KNOW I can't be eating Chinese food (even if I do order the veggie plate w/steamed rice). Whaaaaaat theeeeee fuuuuuuuuuuck??? I know I am being harsh, but after so many years of being overweight and eating whatever I wanted, etc., ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! I feel so good when I exercise...I feel so good when I'm eating healthy. And I know that's what I need to fucking focus on, but it's so much easier to call myself a dumbass for eating bad food & not getting off my ass. :( Gaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so...to recap the important stuff...

1. Exercising feels great! My body loves to MOVE!!
   
2. Eating lots of healthy fruits and veggies makes me feel like I have more energy.
3. Drinking more water, while not tasty, is better for me than drinking Crystal Light.
4. Getting OFF of the computer and spending time on ME is necessary for my happiness.

I am doing all this because:

1. I want to be healthy
2. I want to be happy
3. I want to have enough energy to do ANYTHING
4. I want to learn how to ride a bike
5. I want to samba in Brazil one day
6. I want to learn a martial art
7. I want to NOT give a shit if people witness me eating (god forbid! lol)
   
8. I want to go into any fucking store and buy clothes that fit and look good on me
9. I want men to want me and women to look at me with envy

So, there :P~

I needed that....